*throws book across the room*
If this isn't masochism I don't know what it is.
I have dutifully waited and bought every single book in their series, even the useless handbook. I have spent time, TIME that could have been better spent reading other book, finishing this book in the faint hope that maybe the plot would straighten out and poof! great story again! AND THIS IS WHAT I GET?! AGAIN?!
This book, is the equivalent of a teenage soap opera. A very squirm-in-my-seat-why-is-this-happening-?!?!?!?!-bad soap opera. Get ready for a very ranty review with lots of ARRRRRGGGGGGHHH moments involved.
Let's talk about the cover first shall we? The cover, like all the other covers, are more revealing in nature, but not AS bad as the previous cover, which made it look like a PNR cover.
This one, is an upgrade.
We know it's Aurox, with the hair thing going on and the bull shadow thingamajig behind him. And look! It's only a partition in the front that does not make me want to hide this from my younger cousins! But you know what they say about covers.
First I shall rant on Heath Luck. I reallyreallyreallyreallyREALLYreally don't like Heath. In the first few books he came across as this really despo ex-boyfriend who acted like a druggie half the time(but, but zoey! I need you! slobber bite kiss kiss) and never made any sense.
I don't like the way he acted. I don't like seeing him in any scene. I don't like desperate people. He seems to screw e v e r y t h i n g up. WHY WON'T HE STAY DEAD?!?!?!?!
His surname is a colossal joke. His new name also sounds like a colossal joke. It woud fit in a Transformers movie as a Decepticon. "My name is Aurox and my fist is the last thing you'll ever see!"
Relationships (Translation: Sitcom Drama). Oh man. Daddy problems? And WHY THE HELL DOES EVERYBODY NEED TO BE PAIRED UP?! *tugs at hair in frustration*
Lenobia was supposed to be a Vampyre version of Artemis, in my head, THEN SHE HAD TO HAVE A LOVE INTEREST HUH? She was the one person, the one rational person I liked and then.. and then... okay maybe I liked the cowboy dude but that's not the point! She can always get a boyfriend after all the mess right? right? but noooooooo she had to have a love interest at such a crappy time.
The twins. They were the epitome of 'bff'-ness. I refuse to think that a person's personality can change so fast, nor can I believe that we can be oblivious, OBLIVIOUS to the personality of people.
Oh hey look here! (infodump here). Oh hey look there! (infodump there). *takes out umbrella* STOP. RAINING. INFODUMPS!
Anything that needs be known should be said in the previous instalments! This is the what, ninth book? Too late for these things, amigos.
Zoey says:"I don't want to lead any battle. You do it. Or ask Darius to. Or even Stark." So on and so forth.
I am so sick and tired of her self-denial. Girl you must be from Egpyt cuz you living in de-nile! Hurhur. The Nile. De Nile. Denial. AHAHAHA CORNY MOMENT! But back to my point.
She does not accept that she has got to get her girl-pants together and face reality. She's very "I don't want to do this, oh groan, misery, misery, quibble." Darn if you don't want to do it, don't!
Oh but I have to admit, Zoey's use of words are so cute. Gigantic+huge= Gihugic. lolololol I just sat there staring at the word until I figured it out. Then came awesomesauce. As a teenager, I have never heard anyone say anything remotely close to the word "awesomesauce". That was one weird moment when I had a bout of what-is-this-what-is-that-why-why-WHY-?!. Which does happen a lot throughout the book. Just saying.
Apart from Zoey's cute colloquialisms, I have a bone to pick with Neferet. If she never wanted to RULE THE WORLD none of this would've happened and I can stop stabbing myself with this series.
Why did she make so much trouble? to RULE THE WORLD!
Why did she want a stupid vessel? to RULE THE WORLD!
Why does Zoey have so much annoying boyfriend shit? Because Neferet wants to RULE THE WORLD!
Why does Lenobia have a love interest? Because Neferet wants to RULE THE WORLD!
Why is Dragon wife-less? Because of Kalona's spawn.
Why the shit do we have Kalona and his spawn? Because Neferet wants to RULE THE WORLD! (see how tiring this is getting?)
Why did she want to RULE THE WORLD? She had a shitty childhood. And she's power hungry.
How does she plan to RULE THE WORLD? Killing puny humans and everyone in her way.
Who is in her way? Zoey Redbird!
How does she plan to get rid of her? RULE THE WORLD! (see where this is going?)
Because of her great idea to RULE THE WORLD! , Zoey has to fight her. Then you can refer to bullet points 7 and 8 and revel in the thing we call CIRCULAR REASONING.
On a side note, she can advertise to villians you know. "Why limit yourself to a country when you can RULE THE WORLD! Expand your horizons by joining me today!" Add a megawatt smile and some intense graphics and she's set for advertising heaven.
By this point you'd expect me to run out of interrobangs, BUT NOOOOO. There's more.
WHAT IS WITH THE POP CULTURE REFERENCES?!?!?!!? LOTR, Sookie stackhouse, youtube, darling you gotta be kidding me. They really annoy me. I happen to like LOTR and Sookie Stackhouse (sorry youtube) AND THEN YOU COME BARGING IN WITH YOUR REFERENCES.
Call me a hypocrite for the Transformers reference but at least I know WHEN to put it in. What about Zoey? Was it neccessary? Was throwing in dear old Shelob and Frodo neccessary? The Ring(?!)? The remark about Sam and the Two-ies? Really? REALLY?! The answer is a big fat NO.
The ending. THE ENDING. I like taking about endings a lot. But this makes me want to AJSHLKSDAKLAKSDJ strangulate the book. What the crapozoid?! That was one weird ending. No me gusta. NO. nonononononononono. The location is bad. What it concerns and how it led up to that bamboozles me. And guess what? You'd probably know what they're in the midst of, because IT IS THE SAME WITH EVERY OTHER BOOK. Go check the previous installments. Go check the last few pages. What are they doing? What are they doing? Gee let me see. A RITUAL. Why does that not surprise me?
* throws book across the room again*
If you want to read this... Okay there's something wrong with you too. LET US WALLOW IN OUR POOL OF MASOCHISM TOGETHER!
But if this can make me rant like a mad woman on capslock... I suppose I'll buy the next one too.
Also on my blog: http://pineforapples.blogspot.com/2011/11/destined.html
(If you noticed the jarring jumping from topics in this review, I had to leave the room a few times to vent my anger and therefore= no smooth flow of thoughts. Personally, I'l blame the book. #blaming everyone but yourself)